Woman files (entirely meritorious) trillion dollar lawsuit against P. Diddy alleging he caused 9/11

According to billboard.com, a woman named Valerie Joyce Wison Turks filed a lawsuit against Sean "P. Diddy" Combs.  Among the allegations, Turks claims that Diddy conspired with others to cause the 9/11 World Trade Center disaster, sexually assault her children, break both of her baby's legs, and steal one of her poker chips worth "well over 100 zillions [sic] of dollars".  The suit seeks at least $1 trillion in damages in the form of child support and loss of income.